Monday, April 4, 2011

Stupidest Reasons EVER for Not Being Able to Work

I work as a server at a restaurant at our local hotel and waterpark resort.  I've been working there ever since it first opened, and I have seen it all.  I have hear the funniest excuses for not being able to work, but in the past year, I found someone who takes the cake.  I won't give out her name, and I really like the girl, but gosh are some of her reasons for not coming into work hilarious.  This girl is an animal lover.  She isn't a vegetarian, surprisingly, but she cries every time an animal shelter commercial comes on.  Literally sobs.  

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE animals.  I just don't cry over abandoned animals, abused animals, or diseased animals.  It is sad that people treat their pets this way, but is it worth sobbing over when you don't even get sad about the commercials with the dying and starving children in them? Still, this girl is very emotional about animals.  I saw her trying to coax a cat out from under a dumpster when leaving work one day.  She was one determined little thing, I'll give her that.

1. The first time I ever asked her if she could cover a shift for me, this was the reply. 
"I can't, I'm sorry.  I promised my dog that I would take him shopping. Sorry!"

Okay, really?  You "promised" your dog??  What would happen if you broke that promise?  Would your dog big you in the face? Would your dog decide never to trust you again?  I don't think so.  Shopping?  I take myself shopping, or my friends or family.  Not my dog.  I've seen cute animal outfits, but do they even make dressing rooms for dogs??  Hopefully your dog enjoyed the cute bunny slippers you got him.  Maybe he can pretend they're real and entertain himself for hours on end.

2. Second time I asked her if she could cover my shift.  Although, I don't know why I even bothered...I knew I would get a reply like this...
"I can't, I'm sorry.  Petsmart just reopened, and I am taking my dog shopping."

You're kidding...You're taking your dog shopping...Again.  This dog is more spoiled than Paris Hilton.  

3. One of the times she called into work....I wasn't there to hear what she said, but she told the manager that she couldn't come into work because she was feeding the squirrels.

Awww! Those poor helpless little squirrels! I didn't know they needed help gathering acorns! It must be nice having someone fetch your food for you and taking care of you!  The only squirrel I've ever tried to feed was a dying baby squirrel that was injured and abandoned by its mom.  I only had it for 2 hours until a friend decided he wanted to keep it so it could call him daddy!

4. The other time she recently called into work was because she was taking care of a squirrel on a balcony.  The squirrel tried to jump off, and she jumped after it to save it.  She ended up fracturing both of her ankles.  I kid you not.  This is for real...or at least she says.

Squirrels climb HUGE trees.  They are CLIMBERS.  They can jump very far distances, and they are very agile.  I don't think the squirrel would have hurt itself at all.  It was probably just trying to get away from your nutty self.  Well, I take that back...If you were nutty it would be trying to eat you.  So just be happy it jumped and didn't start devouring your pretty face.  But hey! Be glad. No more work for you for a few weeks cuz of fractured ankles.  No you don't have to call in with outrageous excuses.  More fun for you, less fun for us.  We love you at Regatta, and we will miss your crazy ass excuses.

No comments:

Post a Comment